Week 2 – How to Tell Someone You Love that They Need to Change

Leah, I love the insight and depth from your blog last week. I loved how you turned what could have felt like a minor disaster, losing your notes, into an exercise of self confidence. And I could actually feel both the sadness and joy you felt at the Green Day concert. The sadness for how you may have forgotten yourself in the past and the pure JOY of NOT FEELING THAT WAY ANYMORE! You are having fun now. You are strong, you are on a self-love path and there is no going back for you. I know you agree!

There are many people out there who have still not found a way, a path and for those people, I pray every day, hoping they are guided to someone or something to help them. The thing about being awake is that you get to see that there is always another step to take and a hand to hold. You are never alone while at the same time feel very comfortable in your body being alone. Being awake is a gift and I have many people ask me, “what do I say to someone who needs help and cannot ask for it?”

How to Tell Someone You Love that They Need to Change

Have you ever thought, “Why didn’t someone tell me?” and wondered why a friend or loved one didn’t quietly take you aside and offer you advice or say the difficult truth when you were about to make a terrible mistake?  Have you looked back at a time in your life when you were running head-on into a train wreck – and realizing that no one tried to stop you, thought to yourself, “If someone had just said something to me, maybe I could have avoided that?”  It is important to reflect on these moments in life so that we can be ready when the situation is reversed – when it isn’t us, but our loved one who is headed for disaster with their lifestyle and health.

Do you love someone who has crossed the line and is no longer just “slightly overweight” or “too thin,” but is now truly unhealthy from poor choices and constant abuse to their body?  Do you sit quietly by their side, paralyzed, as they continue to do this every day and worry as they choose poor self-esteem, unhappiness with their weight, major illness, or even worse – death?   Are you concerned enough about their well-being to really do something to help?

Ask yourself:  Has this loved one ever asked for help with their weight issues, verbally or non-verbally?  Have they expressed dissatisfaction with their body, exercise habits, food choices or health?  Has this loved one ever passively given me clues that they are crying out for help?

When someone’s hurting, they can’t always say they’re in trouble – they may be too ashamed or too afraid.  At times, they might even deny that they need help – or that they asked for it.  They may even resent you for bringing up the matter.  I am here to tell you that there is a way to reach people without hurting them!

First, you must not allow yourself to stand paralyzed — wanting to help them and not knowing how.  If you truly care for someone, you must be willing to take a risk for them.  What is this risk?  If they are in deep denial and burying the reasons for their unwise habits and dangerous choices, they may walk away from you rather than face the truth.  When we hurt inside, we attack our bodies because that is what’s available.  Poor lifestyle choices, self-abuse in the form of food and lack of self-care are simply physical manifestations of pain.  If your loved one is hurting this much and hurting themselves, you can help them!

There is a healing and non-aggressive way to reach out to others through the art of story-telling.  Arm yourself with real success stories, choose a time to talk to your loved one, and begin your conversation with those stories.  My own life is a great example and can be found on “About Laura” at: www.LauraFenamore.com or right here at www.OnePinky.com.

Share my success with them – I released 100 pounds and kept it off forever. Tell them that there’s more to it – that I realized I hated myself as much when I was thin as I did when I was overweight.  I finally came to see that it is not what we look like on the outside – but how much we love ourselves inside!  Only then could I begin the slow and steady path of self-care and self-love.  I began to love Laura – and I was able to stop hurting myself as I moved forward and made positive, courageous changes every single day.

Your loved one will probably open up about their own situation, although they may be angry or hurt.  But are you more concerned with their well-being than initially offending them?  Are you willing to risk losing your loved one for a moment in order to help save their lives forever? If you are, then take the courageous step and begin opening up to them.  At the end of that discussion, you can guide them to read my special report at www.OnePinky.com and if that does not resonate with them, there is other help out there. No one is ever alone and I often suggest people start with one small Pinky step that is different from anything they have ever done. Something that will stretch them. Something that will take them out of their comfort zone.

The goal is inner peace and it may not feel comfortable to confront someone who is suffering and yet you may be saving their life.

Puts a nice spin on the season of Light. It is a way to give without spending any money and it is done in the spirit of service.

Happy Holidays Everyone.  Stay Healthy and Joyful.

Love, XO

Laura

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