Prayer

I grew up in a Catholic family.  My grandparents are Catholic and my parents are Catholic.  I was an active participant of all the youth groups well into high school.  I was confirmed in tenth grade and even chose to go a Catholic College.  Then my beliefs changed.  I was in a lot of pain that first year of college and didn’t feel like God was there for me.  I was so discouraged that I even chose to not believe in God for awhile.  I felt completely alone.

Today, my faith is completely different.  I most definitely believe in God, although not the God that I was necessarily taught to believe in and  I 110% believe in love.  Recently Laura mentioned to me that when she is scared she prays.  I loved this and at the same time realized that I don’t really know how to pray.  More so, I don’t really know what I am praying too.  The Catholic God was a figure up in the sky.   Without the belief in that figure, I never really figured out what to pray too.  Of course I have spiritual thoughts and wish people well, and send them good energy, but as far as saying “I will pray for you” I never say that because I don’t pray, well at least in the way that I was taught to pray.

So I am open and willing to start as a beginner.  I am going to give praying a chance, with my focus being on the unity that connects us all, as well as the love that I know exists.  I am going to pray when I feel scared of something and ask that God may help me feel safe.  Funny to say this, but I am scared about praying.  I think that there is a part of me who is really disappointed that during my freshman year at college when I was in so much pain that I didn’t feel like a divine energy was there for me.  I feel this pain in my heart when I talk about it.  Maybe it is connected to my feelings of not being enough, not being worthy of this sort of love.  Very sad to realize that I feel this way.

May there be peace within.

Love,

Gina

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