September 5th, 2009 – Day 5 of 91…I Welcome the Tears!

Leah,

I have been wanting to send these three steps below that I came up with before we started and today is the day to do it.…

And since step # 1 is be authentic. I have to tell my truth.

Yesterday morning a bug or virus or something corrupted my brand new computer and even though I can get online, I cannot use my email program. Needless to say, I feel like my hands have been tied behind my back and this has been another opportunity for me to learn balance and patience…and it has been a very, very painful lesson for me.

I have cried so much in the last 24 hours. This computer issue hit a major cord for me. I did not sleep last night which is not good for me, got up early, skipped my regular exercise ritual to get to the computer store when they opened at 8am, knowing this is a holiday weekend in the US to get this issue resolved…with little sleep, and a little food, ran off to computer store and 7 hours later, nothing is fixed. I was there for 7 hours and there are no words to express this frustration.

I am still a leader and your teacher and this issue hit a cord in me of feeling hopeless and powerless that goes soooo deep and like your line, “it’s not about the hair”, this is “so not about the computer.”

The tears came and came and the guys at the computer store and at my ISP do not know what to do with a crying woman. I kind of freaked them out during my multiple crying bouts today at the computer store. I so do not want to be a cry baby about a computer of all things and yet when the tears need to come, they come. I am not going to try and hold them back.

These tears needed to come and as I write this right now, I am still weeping…and my computer is still not fixed…using my old very slow laptop and yes I am grateful that I have something to use….These tears are leading me somewhere and they need to come out. So some may call me a cry baby and this is who I am…. I know they are clearing out some old deep seeded pain about feeling powerless and like a failure.

I am not sharing this with you for sympathy or support, just being real. It is not your job to take care of this or make it right.

Your only real job is to take care of you…that is all.

Happy Fathers Day to all of the Dad’s in Australia today.

Notes to self about this blogging.

Laura,

Step 1

Be Authentic.

So say what you really think, not what you believe Leah or others want to hear.  Being true to who you are will attract others and I want this blog to attract millions! Leah’s too. www.nodietingallowed.com

To serve and help not to stroke my ego.

Step 2

Listen Well

Have you ever heard the saying, “No one ever learned anything while talking.”? Ok, I got to write and talk through this and my main intention is to support Leah and her process as authentically as possible. I love you Leah!

Step 3

Stay Open Minded/A Beginners’ Mind is an Open Mind

Regardless of my life experience up to this point, I remember that all that matters is this moment and having a beginners mind in every moment is what I choose.   I choose to enter this 91 day challenge as if this is my first attempt to change.  A beginners mind is an open mind.  This principle will keep my mind from falling back on old ways of thinking.

I am committed, Yes I am…OnePinky’s Mission and Vision is:

Mission:

TO FREE WOMEN FROM THE NEGATIVE SELF IMAGE THEY HAVE AROUND THEIR BODIES.

(To improve the relationship of adult women with our bodies, our only true home.)

Vision:

TO BECOME THE LEADING RESOURCE FOR WOMEN WHO SEEK TO IMPROVE THEIR SELF IMAGE PARTICULARLY IN REGARDS TO THEIR BODIES.

Going to cry some more tears, now knowing they are clearing out something that needs to be released.

Big Hugs and Love Leah,  XOXO

Laura

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