Every day that I wake up, I feel tremendous gratitude for all I have.

Considering how dark my beginning was, child abuse, obesity, alcoholism…my life could have gone and ended in a horrible way.

And yet recently, folks, I really hit the jackpot big time.

I was so fortunate to attend the Ms. Magazine luncheon on January 27^th, 2012 with the person I hold responsible for leading the feminist movement, my shero, Gloria Steinem. I know the experience will go down as one of the highlights of this year.

When I arrived at S.F. State University in 1980, I was a train wreck. My struggles with obesity and alcoholism were out of control; I was in a downward spiral. I had come to California from New York thinking the “Golden State” would save me; instead, I was landing on my face (literally, in a drunken stupor). And then something shifted. I found the Women Studies Department.

I began to take classes in the Women’s Studies Department, which spoke to me in a way that nothing else had. I had known I was gay from a very young age but had repressed my feelings. These classes helped me step into my fears about “coming out” and allowed me a safe space to be me; I did come out as a lesbian when I was 21. The Women Studies Department helped give me my voice.

Because of those classes, I began to read Ms. Magazine and to research its founder, Gloria Steinem. She was (and still is) my role model.  I was incredibly moved by her calm articulate manner. Gloria was and still is (at 78 years old) a revolutionary and a natural leader. Back in the early 80’s I wanted to meet her and was fortunate enough to work at a book signing on campus and got a chance to say hello. I treasure that day and remember that she was everything I expected — kind, loving, generous, smart.

Fast forward 30 years.

Last year a documentary on Gloria’s life came out on HBO called In Her Own Words. I watched it and said to my life partner, Kathleen, “I have to meet Gloria again.” I just want to tell her how she inspired my life and path.

This past Friday, I got that chance. I met Gloria again because of my involvement in A Band Of Wives. A Band Of Wives is one of my favorite women’s groups out there. It was formed to provide a safe place for women to ask for and find the support they need, to have their voices heard through blogs and forum discussions, to introduce like-minded women to each other through specialized groups and events, and to bring women together around important issues as a united voice. And the most important thing you need to know is that you do not have to be married, to belong; you just have to be a woman.

I love A Band of Wives’ founder Christine Bronstein and find her commitment to serve as strong as Gloria’s. Christine is a beloved leader and was one of the women responsible for Gloria being at this fundraiser. She was also responsible for my being there.

The morning of the event, I am getting ready and this voice told me to turn on the television show, The View. I’m not a big TV person, but for some reason I flipped it on. The hostesses were discussing their mentors and heroes. Funnily enough, Joy Behar, a mentor of mine, names Gloria Steinem as her mentor! She goes on to discuss all of Gloria’s amazing achievements and how much she admires what Gloria has done for women around the world. I took it as a sign – this lunch was going to be seriously amazing.

I arrived at Spruce Restaurant in San Francisco happy to see some familiar faces and excited to meet a whole new group of innovative, empowered women. The fundraiser for Ms. Magazine was intimate – When Gloria entered, the entire room lit up; everyone was thrilled just to be in the presence of such an influential leader of the feminist movement. Kind, open-hearted, and gracious, Gloria was a delight to meet.

Gloria began her talk by saying, “People ask me all the time, why feminism? Why not focus now on something else at this point? Because all relevant issues are covered. It is the most prevalent movement and everything that we are facing stems from it.” Gloria then went on to speak about how women must treat themselves the way they want to be treated by others. It’s not enough to insist on equality from others; we must take it ourselves. We have to stop seeing ourselves through the eyes of Madison Avenue advertisers, through the perspectives of beauty put forth by reality TV. She talked about how common plastic surgery, including vaginal plastic surgery, is.

I found Gloria’s mention of the prevalence of vaginal plastic surgery fascinating. She talked about how such surgeries illustrate how willing women still are to voluntarily go under the knife for cosmetic procedures. I took it upon myself to research such surgeries, and I found it is indeed a growing practice. Procedures such as labia reduction and even hymen restoration are becoming more and more popular. This article from over six years ago discusses the growing prevalence of such surgeries, citing women who want to achieve the look of porn stars.

While I don’t judge those who decide to have plastic surgery, it does make me sad that so many women are still trying to change themselves to conform to society’s standards of beauty. And this relates very closely to the feminist movement. Before we can ask others to see us as equals, we have to see ourselves that way. We have to believe that we are perfect as we are. We must embrace ourselves, warts and all. Supposed “imperfections” are the things that make us unique individuals; we should celebrate them.

After giving her views, Gloria was very clear that she didn’t want to give a lecture; rather, she was there to have a conversation, to hear all of our voices. The host committee allowed everyone to stand up and share our work. I think we were all in awe of one another. What an amazing group of women…

The whole event was extraordinary. Meeting so many women who were following their dreams and who strive every day to make the world a better place was truly inspiring. Gloria’s influence was palpable – she has created an amazing legacy, of which I am honored to be a part.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie

For some of us, having a happy holiday season feels daunting or even close to impossible. It seems that no matter how hard we work to insulate ourselves against our issues around home and family, the tunnel from Thanksgiving to New Years is a minefield loaded with hidden traps, double agents and too many opportunities to self-destruct or rip open old wounds and old injuries.

In the past, the holiday season was the worst time of year for me; I simply hated the holidays. It was a time during which painful childhood memories of abuse and habits of self-destruction through food and alcohol would resurface. Even the one I did like, Thanksgiving, I came to loathe; I fought a 30+ year battle with my body image and weight, so a holiday that revolved around eating led to a lot of anxiety and suffering.

How are we to protect ourselves from harm and mental injury during this difficult time of year? Do we amputate our past and the people in it? What can we do short of avoiding holidays and celebrations altogether?

The key is tapping into the true nature of the holidays – GRATITUDE. Gratitude was an invaluable tool for me as I healed my childhood wounds. I discovered the thanks I had in my heart for all those who had touched my life – gratitude not only for those who had helped me but also for those whose harmful actions taught me how not to treat myself and others.

Gratitude is now at the top of my to do list every day. When you experience gratefulness for a moment, it will come back to you three-fold in the next. Here are some simple ways to regularly incorporate gratitude into your life.

1. Keep a Daily Gratitude List: Write down at least three things you’re grateful for each day. It can be as simple as “I’m grateful for this cup of coffee” or as profound as “I’m grateful for this beautiful life.” Practice acknowledging good things each day, and soon you’ll find them everywhere.

2. Play B.D.G. (Brag, Desire, Gratitude): Get an email list going with some friends or family and take turns “replying all” with one brag, one desire, and one gratitude. Publicly recognizing an accomplishment or positive quality, expressing a future hope, and giving thanks for what you already have will connect you to the good in your life past, present, and future. Plus it will bring you closer to your loved ones and remind you of the wonderful reasons you care for them.

3. Recite a Daily Affirmation: We all have the ability to create a happy future, and affirmations are a powerful tool in attracting the positive experiences we want. Write an affirmation using positive statements and the present tense, about something you want in your life (ex: The holiday season is an opportunity to enjoy the company of my loved ones; I am so grateful for their presence in my life). Recite it once a day or when facing particularly difficult events or situations.

4. Write a Letter of Thanks: This could be to a parent, co-worker, friend, child, or spouse. Let them know how much they mean to you and how you appreciate their love and/or support. Gratitude begets more gratitude – imagine how thankful the recipient will be!

5. Find Forgiveness in Gratitude: It is especially hard to feel appreciation for those who have hurt us, and yet harboring anger only prolongs our own suffering and strengthens our connection to a painful past. Work towards forgiving those individuals by finding a way to thank them. For example, I now have only gratitude for my abusive father; although he caused me and my siblings much physical and emotional pain, it was this experience that helps me connect to and help other abuse victims.

Practicing thankfulness will make dealing with the emotions of the holidays so much easier. These are your holidays, and if managed carefully, you can create new traditions of love and family. You can break out of the cycles of blame and worry that accompany this time of year and instead find gratitude in spending time with family and food.

What is next? And what will your roadmap look like this season of Peace and Love?

I took myself from a place of longing for the “perfect holiday” (whatever that illusion was) to creating something that really fits in with who I am – spending time with the same group of friends rather than family. I found that, over time, surrounding myself with those I could appreciate easily made it infinitely easier to be thankful for those with whom it was more difficult to feel grateful.

Thanksgiving is truly my favorite holiday now – I love it. And while gratitude is something to be practiced every day, that we take time on this particular day to reflect on all the things we have is a blessing and a gift. I believe in the power of prayer and mindfulness, and I think the power of so many people stopping and reflecting on that day carries us throughout the year.

So this year I welcome November 24th with open arms and ask that you all take a moment to stop and reflect on all that is good in your lives. Put the recession, war, your aches and pains on hold knowing that in your gratefulness, things will shift for the better. As philosopher Geoffrey F Abert wrote, “Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.”

May you all have the most amazing, Love-filled, Gratitude-based Thanksgiving Holiday.

Life is, for the most part, the way we see it.  So, when life’s not fair – it may be time to check your focus” -Robert Schuller

Every month I choose a word to focus on as an intention for that month and this month’s word is  “Acceptance”.

Accepting my health, my body, my mental and emotional state in the moment as they are.

Accepting that every feeling state can change and improve if I allow it  and cease resisting it.

August, Acceptance and…

Another “A” word, Allow.

An affirmation for every day this month could be, “I allow Peace and Love to energize my body, and heal whatever needs healing. I accept this process with Patience”.

When I was thinking about August,  I began playing with acronyms and here are something’s I came up.

• A Acknowledge, Acceptance, Awareness, Action, Allow
• U Uplift, Unconditional Love
• G Give, Gather, Gratitude
• U Undo, Unearth, Uncover (those things that no longer serve you)
• S Sustenance, Surprises, Sunshine, Seeking, Self love and Self Care (is necessary, not selfish)
• T Thankfulness for all that IS working in your life

What words would you like to add?
How might you apply some of these concepts to yourself care program this month?

Self care is a cornerstone of self love and self love will lead us to greater physical, spiritual and emotional health.

When one mind is changed the world is changed. -CIM

I am committed to changing my own mind by taking pinky steps when change feels challenging.

Change is a gift. And it is difficult for our minds to believe and yet resistance is a gift too.

Change and resistance offer us opportunities to go deeper into our process of who we are and what we are seeking in terms of having a body we feel great about.

I read this quote the other day, “I have learned to use the word impossible with great caution”. I love that as I believe in what is possible, rather than what is impossible.

What is your word for this month?

I welcome your sharing that here.

And one more thing from me.  I offer complimentary consultations about my one on one weight release mentoring and I am interviewing for my next 12 week  Body Image Mastery course. Please feel free to email me to set up a time to speak, laura@onepinky.com

A cheerful mind has always been a perfect guide to a healthy body.

-Sri Chimnoy

I know that we have 10 days left to this challenge, hard to believe, 3 months does fly by. All good.

I am very sentimental and will always hold this time as so special, so kind and generous and loving of you Leah. To offer it, to follow through, to be YOU!

The words of Natalie Merchant came over me today and I want to start by thanking you, today and tomorrow and everyday for what you have given me.

Thank you and love to your committment to being you, leading by example.

And thank you to all you beauties out there all over the world who are walking your talk and living your dreams. Just go for it. Why not?

I Love you, Laura

Natalie Merchant
Thank You lyrics

Lalalalalala…

You’ve been so kind and generous
I don’t know why you keep on giving
For your kindness I’m in debt to you
For your selflessness–my admiration
For everything you’ve done
You know I’m bound–I’m bound to thank you for it

Lalalalalala… 10 times

Hey, hey
You’ve been so kind and generous
I don’t know why you keep on giving
For your kindness I’m in debt to you
And I never could have gone this far without you
For everything you’ve done
You know I’m bound–I’m bound to thank you for it

Lalalalalala…

Oh I want to thank you for so many gifts
You gave me love and tenderness
I want to thank you
I want to thank you for your generosity,
The love, and the honesty that you gave to me
I want to thank you, show my gratitude,
My love and my respect for you
I want to thank you

Oh, I want to thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you.

I want to thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5ZjrGdlNDo&feature=player_embedded

You are so much more than you think you are…”

-Laura

For today, get quiet and play with me here….for the sake of self love and inner peace…

Please get quiet and reflect upon this idea even if for a minute or two.  Imagine this light of love and inclusion going before you preparing the way.  Imagine the activities of the day ahead and imagine yourself as this light of Oneness and say YES to being it. Even if your mind travels or wanders to “where you need to be” or your mind says, “how silly this is”…be with all the thoughts, welcome them all and go back to the light and breathe into it, imagining that we are all ONE and you are a huge part of this universal oneness.

You really are so much more than you believe yourself to be.  You are perfect, beautiful, the best idea of God … exactly as you are!

I invite you to prove it by practicing this quiet time as often as you can remember.

Blessings to you and Love, XO

Laura

I can never speak too often or to frequently of the importance of Gratitude. Welcome the time this moment, this minute, this hour, this day,  this week, this month, this year to practice Gratitude….never put off Gratitude until tomorrow. What you are Grateful for in this moment will come back to you three-fold in the next.

No matter what people are up to in their lives, I hope they are happy and having fun!

Fun and Joy are our birth right.

I was meditating this morning and this feeling came over me.

I felt sad and at a loss for all the women who have been in my community and have left and for those who are in it and choose not to participate.

As the sadness washed over me this feeling of warmth and love came through.

It was there then and is right here this moment. It feels huge. The love feels really huge. I feel so grateful to have been honored to do this work.

We are connected, all of us that are choosing to be awake.

We are awake and connected and our hearts are all beating this moment. So the memory of all of you Pinky’s is as present in this moment as the feeling I had when we were connected in form.

A long time ago when I was really sad about ending therapy. It was time and yet I still felt unready to let go. My wise therapist said,  as long as you have a mind and body, you will have memory.

Our minds and our bodies remember.

That was a moment in time that will stay with me forever.

Sounds so simple and yet the impact was huge.

I will not forget that. Especially in current day moments, visualizing, thinking, wondering about all  of the amazing, dynamic, powerful women I have met through the years in this work. WOW.

How lucky am I?

So wherever you Pinky’s are, know you are loved a lot.

And for those of you who are still actively playing in the community, I hope to see your smiling faces soon.

Your job is to take care of you, however that looks for you and if reading something inspirational at onepinky.com/c can support your self-love and self-care today, then come on down.

Much Love, XO

Laura

P.S. Leah, the book Corrinne recommended sounds great. So glad you took the time to walk away… from your computer and just be. Those days/times are necessary for all of us. You are an inspiration.

She told me that I am one of the healthiest eaters on the planet.

If I totally lived without my ego, I would never compare myself to anyone again.  However, when the compliment came in, instead of receiving it with love, I thought to myself,  “Compared to most people, I am probably in the top 2% of healthy eaters.”

And yet my inner critic/gremlin/ego, showed up to say how much I was still not doing right.  This voice said, “If you were really a good eater, you’d be juicing everyday, etc., etc.”

I know I eat well! And there is always room for improvement (for myself and most of us).

My proud moment today came when I went to a new chiropractor. She asked me to fill out intake forms which is customary for first time appointments. The forms inquired about my diet and I actually found myself checking “no” to 90% of the things that would be considered “undesirable” and “over-consumption”.

We can all find things to slowly improve upon no matter where we are in our process or program.  And for today, we can celebrate all the good things we do for our mind, body, and spirit.

Tomorrow at my “Gratitude for our Bodies”  workshop (at the Bay Club in Corte Madera CA at 1pm PT), we will be celebrating our fabulous bodies.

Gratitude heals everything and I am grateful for this day.  I am grateful for the luxurious hot bath I just enjoyed.  And I am grateful to lead a community of women who are powerful and strong.

Live, Learn and Let Go

and LOVE!

XO, Laura

Our expressions of love and compassion create a world at peace.

With every loving thought we hold, every kind word we express, we contribute to a world at peace.

Each of us has the power to love and the ability to be patient and forgiving, no matter what is happening. Even in the appearance of turmoil and trouble, we can affirm:

Peace, be still.

We can still troubled waters with the power of our love.

As we go about our day, we express compassion wherever possible. As we pray, we see the divine good in our loved ones and we inspire others. Centered in the divine nature of our being and the oneness that we are, we are powerful. We women of OnePinky sure are powerful.  Our smallest acts combine with the actions of others to create a world at peace, a world that works for all.

Let there be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin With Me.

Leah, great call tonight, ey?

I loved it. I truly loved what you had to share about the ebbs and flow of life and how you confronted your own pain without abandoning it. You had a stake in being ok regardless of how hard it go…love that.

Our truths will set us free and lift us up.

Corinne, I  hope I added some more insight about your dream. You are such a love Corinne.

And Leah, look what Corinne had to share after the call…

“She wrote, doesn’t Leah have the cutest voice ever?…i love it.”

I love it too Leah.

Live, Learn and Let Go.

I just went to meet a Little Pinky visiting from West Palm Beach, Florida. It was delightful to meet Valarie and I look forward to meeting many of my Pinky’s in person. :)

Let me know if you plan on being in the Bay Area.

I sure hope that many of you choose to attend my event on November 14th, 2009 from 1-3 on Gratitude for Our Bodies at the Bay Club Marin.

I have a big giant hug waiting for you and Leigh when you two arrive in the Bay Area :) Until then, please give he and yourself a hug from me now…

XO, talk soon.

Love you, Laura

May sound a bit far out so let me explain.

Those of us in the self help/inner exploration  movement, whether we are teachers or students, may forget about feeling good at times…

She was saying to me that she was in a funk for a while and it was hard for her to reach out to me.  I have no judgment about her not reaching out, rather I want to provide solutions to those who feel isolated (hence my inventing onepinky.com, so we can always reach out to someone).

I said to her what I say to myself, that life ebbs and flows and the key is to reach out to someone in those down times…not to get answers just to share your truth about where you are…

In isolation we wilt.

And one sure way that I have remembered to remember that is to reflect daily on how great my life is…I do a gratitude list everyday…no matter what. no matter how I feel.

Even in my darkest moments and darkest days, I do not forget to write down all the things I am grateful for, (on those dark days, I may not be able to feel the gratitude, however, I know that writing it keeps me connected to my truth and “who I am”.

“Gratitude”

For me it is a gratitude list every night…of at least 10 things and the bonus for me is to try to make them different everyday and not repeat myself.

I have enough to be grateful for in this lifetime to not repeat myself too much. That is how expansive my life is and how great the possibilities are.

Leah, I sure hope that you are feeling good today and…you better believe that your name comes up on my gratitude list a lot, (ok, true confessions, I do repeat myself on a few things every day, you included).

I am so proud of your powerful words below.

I am committing to live in world where I feel comfortable in my body, a world where I am sexy and whole each year I age and I nurture my body out of respect rather than obligation, a world where my weight holds no weight in my mind and my weight matters to me out of health and not for reasons of image.  What a beautiful and happy world.

I am looking forward to hearing your voice and inspiration on the call on Monday at 5pm PST.

You are an inspiration and teach Pinky’s how to live, learn and let go.

I love you, XO

Laura

Ok Leah,

Every day I read your blogs and have the same feeling….

I say to myself or sometimes I just say it out loud, “this one is my favorite”, “no, this one is my favorite, “this is my favorite” and it goes on and on…..

Bottom line, they are all my favorites.

The depth, richness of what comes out, from your heart is amazing…

Wow….loved the post I read this morning at about 6am PT.

And I am so incredibly grateful that you feel safe to share your truth out loud.

Others need to see what is possible.

When I am having a bad day, been a bunch lately, especially with the flu and still all is good…

I grab for my finger puppets and play out the madness in my mind. I have these two little finger puppets on my desk and I just keep letting them argue with one another.

Our minds can go a little kooky on us at times, so why not use children’s toys to play out the frustration. As I shared, we are all big little girls anyway.

I hope that my silliness gets a giggle or two out…maybe a smile…

Sending you an immense amount of Gratitude, Appreciation and Love Leah!

And sending warm hugs and love to all of you who are reading this.

Your light leads the way Leah and the OnePinky community to learning, letting go and loving….yourself from the inside out so you can light the way for others who do not see the path.

Blessings and Love, XO :):)

Laura