The news of Amy Winehouse’s death in July of this year was tragic, but it wasn’t surprising. Her struggle with addiction and eating disorders had been well-documented during her meteoric rise to fame. The autopsy results last week confirmed the suspicions that her addictions indeed led to her ultimate demise. I found this so sad and predictably true. It was also clear in interviews with her and her loved ones, that she suffered from incredibly low self esteem. In spite of her amazing success, she still did not feel worthy of love from herself or anyone else. Even for those of us not subject to her particular behavior, her story has a lot to tell us about addiction and self esteem.

An article from the British newspaper gets directly to the issue in an article entitled “Addiction Killed Amy Winehouse – what sort doesn’t matter.” The author, Deborah Orr, writes, “. . . addictive substance abuse is addictive substance abuse, whether it’s legal or illegal . . .”. That’s what makes food addictions so difficult. Unlike drugs or alcohol, which can be cut out of our lives all together, we need to eat in order to live. It’s certainly not easy to cut out drugs and alcohol; I know that firsthand, having struggled with alcoholism in addition to eating disorders. But when the source of your addiction is something you still need to consume in some form, it can feel more difficult.

The irony of this is that food is not the enemy and should not be reduced to something we loathe and make wrong. We actually need it to live and it was not created to be overused and abused. And knowing that does not fix being addicted to it. It is however a point I needed to make.

However, food addiction can manifest itself in many ways, from anorexia to bulimia to compulsive overeating. And more often than not, these addictions are a direct result of low self esteem and negative body image. We decide we don’t like what we see in the mirror, which for some leads to self-starving and for others results in self-punishing binge eating. Either way, the effects are clear:

poor body image –> low self esteem –> mistreatment of food . . . and it starts all over again.

So how do we break out of the cycle? It is challenging and yet totally possible– addiction is both psychological and chemical, and the longer we’ve engaged in this pattern the harder it is to break. Unlike drugs or alcohol, which have very obvious effects, the effects of food addiction – obesity, lack of energy, depression – are so common in today’s society that we may not even realize we have them too. So often we may only see the results and not realize the source. It can be hard to accept that we are addicted – to sugar, to carbs, to denial. Yet the sooner we can come to terms with our own addictions, the sooner we can get help, and the sooner we can get better.

It is possible to break out – my own story and the stories of so many of my students who have rebuilt their body image, improved their self esteem, and repaired their relationship with food. Kicking addiction alone, however, is nearly impossible. It’s a hard enough thing to do, and when you start out, it can be challenging to hold yourself accountable and take the necessary steps. That’s where friends, family and loved ones come in. The more support, love and encouragement you have, the easier and more successful you’ll be.

You do not need to fall victim to addiction – put yourself out there, ask for help, and you shall receive it. It is possible to break out of the cycle of negativity – to start, just reach out your hand. I promise you someone will be there to love you back.

It’ll be fun—pinky promise.

Just in case you have not noticed, there are a lot of women out there who have poor body image.   So much so that their negative body image makes them either hide or loathe the reflection they see in photographs of themselves. So if posting a headshot for a blog or profile is not comfortable for many women, we have another idea for you.

OnePinky has a long history of relevance for me, (please feel free to go to http://onepinky.com/about-us/ and find out about OnePinky?) and we have found that women have been more than willing to send a pinky photo…

Wouldn’t it be fun to post a photo of your pinky?

Posting a picture of your pinky is taking a step toward loving yourself and self esteem building. I hear a lot of women making fun of their photo, however, I have yet to hear one make her pinky finger wrong.

You can post your pinky plain-Jane, draw her a face, dress her up, or even give her props or costumes. Go wild! What would you wear if you truly loved your body today? Show the world—with your pinky.

So post those pretty pinkies. And why not share your own pinky promises, pledges, or swears from childhood? You remember:

I won’t tell a soul. Pinky swear!

Let’s be best friends forever. Pinky promise.

I pinky promise to never like Billy. He’s your boyfriend!

Originally, a person who broke a pinky promise was supposed to cut off his or her pinky. Now that’s not very loving! Today’s pinky pledgers are usually kids or close friends who cross pinkies to signify an important promise… one that can’t be taken back. Ever.

I pinky swear to love myself for who I am.

My body is my home and I will always treat it with care. Pinky promise.

I pinky promise to let go of bad body image!

Let’s take the Pinky Pledge to love our bodies and lead our daughters by example. Pinky swear!

Remember, a pinky promise is one that cannot be broken! Do you promise to love your pinky?

Send me your own pinky picture to Laura@OnePinky.com , and if you have a pinky story add it to your caption.

Don’t have a pinky story? Share what your pinky might think or say in your caption.  If your pinky could talk, what would she say? Would she tell you how beautiful she thinks you are, how ghastly she thinks those tent-tunics you use to cover your lovely self up are? Maybe she’d beg for a new nail color, or tell you jokes about your level of jointed-ness. Or share your pinky promise to yourself.

Do you ever have thoughts like these?

My life would be better if I looked better.
I will never look as good as _____________.
My _________ is/are so ugly.
I am so fat.
The scale can’t be right.
I look disgusting; no one could ever love me.

If you do, you’re not alone. In a seminal study of body image statistics from the 1990s, author and psychology professor Linda Smolek found that 80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance. Unfortunately, not much has changed since then. And women aren’t the only ones with negative body images; numerous recent studies show that men are becoming increasingly afflicted as well.

Body image is not just a problem of being unhappy with what we see in the mirror, but also that our perception of what we see is skewed and we have distorted body image. For example, a University of Colorado study showed that the same women who overestimate the size of their waists by 25 percent were still able to correctly estimate the width of a box.

We also have unrealistic expectations of what we should be seeing in the mirror, thanks to the media’s portrayal of “ideal” body types and other physical features.

A Three-Legged Stool

So, body image is really a three-legged stool that wobbles (and sometimes knocks you right over) when you:

• Feel dissatisfied or unhappy about what you look like.

• Have a skewed perception of what you actually do look like.

• Have unrealistic expectations about what you should look like.

As you can imagine, the more wobbly your stool, the more deeply these negative body image issues are going to permeate your life. In extreme cases, negative body image can lead to eating disorders, depression, substance abuse and other serious problems.

Even when it doesn’t seem to be having an impact on your day-to-day life, when you take a closer look, you may find that your body image is an underlying cause of issues in virtually every area of your life.

Personal relationships. When you’re preoccupied with distorted body image, you may sacrifice quality time with friends and loved ones. For instance, you refuse to go to the beach or pool because you don’t want to be seen in a bathing suit.

Romantic relationships. When you’re feeling bad about the way you look, you might create distance between you and your mate (e.g., you say no to intimacy) or a potential mate (e.g., you don’t talk to new people).

Workplace success. Confidence is attractive in the workplace, as well. Even though your physical appearance has nothing to do with your job performance, your level of self-esteem does.

Self-care, health and wellness. If you’re not feeling good about yourself, you may not be motivated to take good care of yourself.

Finances. How much money are you spending on the pursuit of a better body? Could that money be better spent?

Spiritual. When you’re focused only on your appearance, you’ll have little time, money or energy to cultivate a spiritual life, helping others and contributing to the greater good.

Home. You may reflect your negative body image in your outer environment by letting clutter build up or neglecting house repairs or cleaning.

5 Ways of Increasing Self Esteem and to Love Yourself Again

1. Spend time every day on your self-care, hobbies, friendships and spiritual interests. These will fill you up in ways that a “perfect 10” body never will.

2. While looking at yourself in the mirror, change the conversation from negative to kind and loving. You can appreciate your body for what it does and yourself for qualities, skills and traits you love.

3. Groom and dress yourself lovingly every single day. Choose clothing that fits well, in colors and styles that you like.

4. Aim for a body size that is healthy for your height and shape and not a distorted body image. We can appreciate our 20 something weight, however, setting ourselves to look like 20 years old again often sets us back.

5. Focus on creating a healthy body, and let your weight take care of itself. Try limiting the frequency that you step on the scale.

By acknowledging the impact of body image on the rest of your life, you can refocus your lens and keep a healthy view of what you see.

Please join us for a FREE Teleclass on releasing Weight for GOOD and Positive Body Image this Thursday, September 15 · 12:00pm – 12:30pm
http://www.onepinky.com/ask-laura

Please go here http://www.onepinky.com/ask-laura to sign up and ask me anything you want answered about healthy weight loss and healthy body image.

I have a sign that is in full vision to the right of my computer screen.  I bought it years ago in Hawaii.

It reads, “A Beginner’s Mind = Open Mind”

When I begin any of my work with students whether in a group or one on one, I ask them to act as if, they are beginner’s because our hearts and heads tend to be more open to new information without the weight of ” a know it all mentality”.

Even when we are learning practices we may have learned many times before, it is best to start with an open mind and open heart. Having a beginners mind does not discount what you already know, (it takes nothing away), it just adds to a deeper learning without arrogance and impatience.

Resistance

Resistance is the opposite of flow and flow = freedom.

When we resist, we are blocking self love and self care. Resistance also keeps away our ability to receive.

I know that anytime I show up for something minus gobs of resistance, I will always learn something new about myself. This is true for me no matter what I am doing. Anything from trying a new meal plan, to going to a workshop, to starting a yoga practice. I wish I could say that the resistance voice was gone for good. It is not. The gift is that I now have tools to be with it, honor it, accept it rather than deny it. I can be with the resistance and “do it anyway”!

• What about you? What does beginners mind mean to you?

• How do you think it would serve you to let go of resistance to learning something you may already know with an open mind?

• How do you think that would serve you more around your body?

Please take a few minutes to answer these questions on paper and notice what shows up.

I can tell you that resisting my work or any other work that will free you from negative body image is most likely not serving your being happy, joyous and free. And whenever we are in resistance to something chances are we need to go into that resistance, accept it  and find out what is really there. Perhaps it is something we do not want to feel. And what we do not feel, we cannot heal.

An Invitation

I invite you to step into your feelings a moment at a time. When I feel resistance to something coming on, I visualize myself taking one Pinky step. One small step, like the kitten is taking on the piano. And from that place, miracles show up all over the place. And I welcome miracles every day.

Aren’t you ready to be committed to your health and well being too?

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