There are many people out there who have still not found a way, a path and for those people, I pray every day, hoping they are guided to someone or something to help them. The thing about being awake is that you get to see that there is always another step to take and a hand to hold. You are never alone while at the same time feel very comfortable in your body being alone. Being awake is a gift and I have many people ask me, “what do I say to someone who needs help and cannot ask for it?”

How to Tell Someone You Love that They Need to Change

Have you ever thought, “Why didn’t someone tell me?” and wondered why a friend or loved one didn’t quietly take you aside and offer you advice or say the difficult truth when you were about to make a terrible mistake?  Have you looked back at a time in your life when you were running head-on into a train wreck – and realizing that no one tried to stop you, thought to yourself, “If someone had just said something to me, maybe I could have avoided that?”  It is important to reflect on these moments in life so that we can be ready when the situation is reversed – when it isn’t us, but our loved one who is headed for disaster with their lifestyle and health.

Do you love someone who has crossed the line and is no longer just “slightly overweight” or “too thin,” but is now truly unhealthy from poor choices and constant abuse to their body?  Do you sit quietly by their side, paralyzed, as they continue to do this every day and worry as they choose poor self-esteem, unhappiness with their weight, major illness, or even worse – death?   Are you concerned enough about their well-being to really do something to help?

Ask yourself:  Has this loved one ever asked for help with their weight issues, verbally or non-verbally?  Have they expressed dissatisfaction with their body, exercise habits, food choices or health?  Has this loved one ever passively given me clues that they are crying out for help?

When someone’s hurting, they can’t always say they’re in trouble – they may be too ashamed or too afraid.  At times, they might even deny that they need help – or that they asked for it.  They may even resent you for bringing up the matter.  I am here to tell you that there is a way to reach people without hurting them!

First, you must not allow yourself to stand paralyzed — wanting to help them and not knowing how.  If you truly care for someone, you must be willing to take a risk for them.  What is this risk?  If they are in deep denial and burying the reasons for their unwise habits and dangerous choices, they may walk away from you rather than face the truth.  When we hurt inside, we attack our bodies because that is what’s available.  Poor lifestyle choices, self-abuse in the form of food and lack of self-care are simply physical manifestations of pain.  If your loved one is hurting this much and hurting themselves, you can help them!

There is a healing and non-aggressive way to reach out to others through the art of story-telling.  Arm yourself with real success stories, choose a time to talk to your loved one, and begin your conversation with those stories.  My own life is a great example and can be found on “About Laura” at: www.LauraFenamore.com or right here at www.OnePinky.com.

Share my success with them – I released 100 pounds and kept it off forever. Tell them that there’s more to it – that I realized I hated myself as much when I was thin as I did when I was overweight.  I finally came to see that it is not what we look like on the outside – but how much we love ourselves inside!  Only then could I begin the slow and steady path of self-care and self-love.  I began to love Laura – and I was able to stop hurting myself as I moved forward and made positive, courageous changes every single day.

Your loved one will probably open up about their own situation, although they may be angry or hurt.  But are you more concerned with their well-being than initially offending them?  Are you willing to risk losing your loved one for a moment in order to help save their lives forever? If you are, then take the courageous step and begin opening up to them.  At the end of that discussion, you can guide them to read my special report at www.OnePinky.com and if that does not resonate with them, there is other help out there. No one is ever alone and I often suggest people start with one small Pinky step that is different from anything they have ever done. Something that will stretch them. Something that will take them out of their comfort zone.

The goal is inner peace and it may not feel comfortable to confront someone who is suffering and yet you may be saving their life.

Puts a nice spin on the season of Light. It is a way to give without spending any money and it is done in the spirit of service.

Happy Holidays Everyone.  Stay Healthy and Joyful.

Love, XO

Laura

Happy Birthday Today to Dear Ann Pogue!!!

Super Woman that she is.

My dear friend Jana Stanfield introduced me to Ann some years ago and I knew she was a treasure from our first hello!

Today is Ann’s Birthday, October 28th and in honor of her birthday she wrote this delightful piece for us Pinky’s that I want to share….

Here it goes. And before you even read what she has to say,  don’t you all want to smile with Joy looking at Ann’s face and gorgeous smile!?

What is perfection?

What is perfection? What is normal? These are questions I ask myself regularly, the latter especially! I have long since disliked the word “normal!” It cannot be defined because there are far too many personal and individual definitions for such a word. Normal to me is not normal to the next person and so on. My truths are just that…mine and mine alone.

My definition of perfect as it relates to body image would be being comfortable in that center of knowing who you are, knowing your worth, being comfortable with who you truly are, being comfortable in one’s own skin, exuding self confidence, and that inner knowing that the imperfections one might see on the outside are also perfect because it’s those things that make us special and unique individuals. As cliché as it may sound, I wholeheartedly believe that TRUE beauty shines from within…true beauty emanates from the inside out! That inner light that shines so brightly from within, the Spirit with which a person lives, is just as beautiful to me, if not moreso, than say, the highest paid supermodel on the planet!

To me, what makes a person beautiful is not what they look like on the outside, but their heart and who they truly are on the inside. I’ve heard it said that, “If you know someone’s story, you will love them.” If only we could get past the societal perceptions of beautiful and perfect, and take the TIME to truly get to the HEART of what makes people tick, I think this world would be a much happier place!

I AM Ann Pogue…and here is a little bit about what makes me tick…

Entering into this world with the birth defect Spina Bifida and having FAR surpassed my life expectancy of ONE WEEK (if that!), all the while surviving and THRIVING through more than 65 surgeries (with the next one coming up in a matter of weeks!), I am now gratefully staring in the face my thirty-third year on this Earth (in just two days!) And I say, bring it on!! I’m grateful every single day to have the opportunity to embrace life in this perfectly imperfect world!! That’s not to say that I don’t regularly face challenges, but who doesn’t?! It’s what you do with those challenges, and how you handle them, that makes all the difference! When we can come from a place of embracing this perfectly imperfect world, as well as our own experiences, our lives can become a lesson from which others can learn. All I’ve ever wanted is for my life to make a difference…

I am PROUD to be perfectly imperfect! (Most days! )

“I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.”–Leo C. Rosten

“Life is no brief candle to me. It is a splendid torch…and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations.”–George Bernard Shaw

Happy Birthday Dear Ann,

You are loved!

Laura and the OnePinky.com community

I laughed out loud reading your words….

I love the images you share of your own personal style. I love the butterfly metaphor. Love it all.

Was thinking this morning about judgment and how it does not serve us and then I came home after yoga class to read Tracy’s comment on my blog about feeling judged and how much that can hurt.

As we develop as children, most of us forget who we are…When our self confidence begins to fall, we begin to compare ourselves to others and use judgment as a way to hold us up or knock us down. Boo hoo….

The reason we judge others is because it is code at a very young age to boost us up. ( I realize I am oversimplifying it and yet I see truth in that statement)  Our identity becomes one of  ”human judging machines” without much awareness early on. We become comfortable with that part of us. And then for many of us a day comes when we see the pain it causes more than the love it creates. From that place, the more aware we become,  the quieter the judger becomes. At least that is my experience. The more comfortable I feel in my own skin, the less likely am I to make myself or another wrong. (or judge them).
And yes, I take full responsibility for having judgment about Madonna as her narcissism on the surface (a judgment) is a turn off to me.  I feel free to admit that the part of me who still feels dumb and self centered at times finds it easier to point the finger at her. The irony is that Madonna has in many ways been a role model for me in terms of her drive and ability to reinvent herself and not care what others think. She could be the nicest person on the planet and my judger still does not believe that, the same way that I know that I am not always nice all the time. I do have moments I am not proud of.

I was listening to this women today and she was putting women down who choose plastic surgery. My experience was that she was showing  no compassion, at least it appeared that way.  I actually felt sick in my body as I was standing there listening to her. Her judgment was towards women who choose plastic surgery as a way out,  particularly those who choose breast augmentation to be more attractive for men. I was hovering above her, listening on one hand and feeling a bit uncomfortable. Underneath, I was blessing her and those women. I was listening and aware of all that was going on while listening.

I know plenty of women who choose that route and my love for them does not change. Could they have chosen differently? Of course. Anyone can choose differently and I do not want to put the critical energy out there.

This gal was asking me, and perhaps hoping that my course would help women who choose plastic surgery.  Of course it could,  and who am I to tell anyone that their choices are wrong?

I always say if you choose to go under the knife (as Madonna has) and so many other women have, do it with love rather than guilt and shame. Wear that facelift with pride rather than pain and shame. It sort of deny’s the decision if you hide the choice you make. Make sense?

I hope that something here supports your day today Leah.

Today is my dear friend Hale’s birthday who lives in Sydney. Happy Birthday Hale wherever you are. Sending you love and hugs.

Leah, sending you love and hugs and we get to talk tomorrow!

Yippee!

Learn, Love, Let Go…

And one more thing…like I asked in the forum today?

What do I know for sure?

Today I know for sure that…

I learn from all of you as you learn from me. That the comment on Tracy’s blog post from yesterday was spot on…

That I call forth all Pinky’s to write into Glamour magazine so we can sync up their revolution with our revolution. We all have the same goal, we might as well be a louder force…

That life is so precious and wonderful. And it does not matter how far away you are, we are connected by our heart beats.

I love you,OX

Laura